


stand up with shaking hands (all eyes on me)

by barelyrachaelll



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-14 00:19:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5722495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barelyrachaelll/pseuds/barelyrachaelll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He stares at the invitation one last time before he walks out. He knows the way to the church, but it doesn't make it any easier going. He doesn't really want to go, but knows how disappointed Patrick would be if he didn't go. So he sighs and goes anyway. </p><p>--<br/>Patrick is about to marry Pete but Brendon has loved Patrick for as long as he can remember and he just can't be okay with this marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title from Speak Now by Taylor Swift. Basically I've been thinking about Brendon loving Patrick a lot lately and I had to write this, was basically left with no choice.

He knows it's today, he's been counting down the days dreading it. He knows today he has to go to some stupid traditional church and watch the love of his life marry the love of _his_ life, which just so happens to be someone else. Brendon feels sick. Don’t get him wrong, Pete’s a good guy and Brendon knows this, he really does, and he also knows Pete loves Patrick.

God, does Pete love Patrick. And what's even worse is how much Patrick loves Pete. Okay, okay, Brendon knows it's not actually a bad thing. He's happy for Patrick, he swears he is, it's just. He always wanted to be the one planning a stupid traditional wedding with Patrick, he wanted to be the one that Patrick asked to marry him, he wanted it all to have been with  _him._ He pouts to himself and rolls over, checking his phone for the time before putting a pillow over the back of his head. He idly wonders if he stayed in bed all day, maybe the wedding wouldn't happen. Maybe he could wake up tomorrow and Patrick would be at his door, telling him how sorry he is that it took so long, but he loves Brendon. And just as he starts to allow himself to daydream about what could be, reality comes crashing down on him. He knows realistically that staying in bed won't keep the wedding from happening, it would just leave his best friend extremely angry with him.

He calls Spencer. Spencer isn't really in the mood for him though, seeing as it's only ten in the morning. He grunts instead of actually answering the phone.

"Spence. It's today," he says.

"It's hours from now. Why are you waking me up?" Spencer mumbles, just barely clear enough for Brendon to understand.

"Did you hear what you just _said?_ Spencer, the wedding where the _love of my goddamn life_ marries someone else is only _hours away_." Really, Brendon can't believe Spencer is so chill about this whole thing. Honestly, it's a damn crisis and Brendon just wants someone else to acknowledge that.

Spencer sighs again and says, "Yes, that's what's happening. I'm your date to this right?"

Brendon rolls his eyes. Why won't Spencer just humor him and go along with his freaking out. "Yes," he tells Spencer a bit impatiently, "but do you understand what's happening? Spencer, Patrick is getting married. Do you get that?" He knows his voice is starting to sound a bit desperate with each time he says this aloud. It makes sense though right, he can be upset, right, it's okay.

"The only thing I'm getting right now is more sleep. Sorry, Bren," Spencer says before he hangs up.

He knows Spencer feels for him, but he also knows he doesn't really understand. He finally sits up in bed and swings his legs over the side, remembering when he first heard Pete's name fall from Patrick's lips, and how much it had bothered him.

 

_Patrick bumped his shoulder against Brendon's as they were walking through Wal-Mart. It's not something Brendon isn't used to, because Patrick does it all the time. Patrick stops in front of the CD aisle, glancing over different titles and looking at the different album artwork._

_"What are you looking for?" he asks Patrick._

_"I don't really remember. I met this guy, and he was telling me about this band he likes. Figured I could look into it, maybe it would give us something to talk about."_

_Brendon falters ever so slightly. Barely even enough that he notices it himself, and he thanks God that Patrick wasn't looking at him closely enough to be able to tell. "Oh yeah? Who's this guy?" He's trying to sound casual, but he isn't sure if it's working._

_"His name is Pete. I just met him at Starbucks like last week. He's pretty cute though, I kinda wish he would've asked me out," Patrick is blushing, and Brendon feels something like jealousy bubbling in his stomach. He really wished Patrick hadn't said that, he really didn't want to know that._

_"He should've," Brendon hears himself saying, his voice sounding a bit distant. "He'd be lucky to go out with someone as lovely as you." His voice is still far away, but he knows those words are sincere: Patrick is so much more lovely than he even realizes._

_Patrick's cheeks go a slightly brighter shade of red, and he looks down and laughs a bit. "You have to say that, you're my best friend."_

_Brendon smiles a small smile. He wishes Patrick would understand the meaning behind his words. He can only drop so many hints without outright saying he wants to be the one to take Patrick out. "Maybe I do have to say that, but it doesn't make it any less true."_

_\--_

It's around noon now, so Brendon figures he should find something to eat. He knows there will be food at the wedding, but that doesn't mean he's going to be in the mood to really eat any of it, despite how good it's bound to be. He's still pouting, and he figures he's gonna keep pouting for the rest of his lonely life, but he gets in his car to go through the McDonald's drive through anyway.

He gets food for Spencer, too, who is probably still asleep. He decides that Spencer is less likely to punch him in the face if he has a cheap burger and some fries with him. And Brendon was right; Spencer is a bit snippy still but he knows he should be getting up anyway, so he takes the food from Brendon and eats it grumpily. 

Spencer had been his best friend for the past five years. He was great, always there to listen to Brendon bitch. He was as supportive as any great friend could be, while keeping Brendon in reality the way a best friend should. After Patrick, Spencer was who he trusted most. And the easiest and most frustrating thing about him was that most of the time, he knew Brendon's feelings for Patrick better than Brendon himself did. 

Brendon stays at Spencer's house for a little over an hour, delaying going to get ready for a wedding he really didn't want to attend. But around two o'clock, he knew he needed to go home and shower and get ready. If he had to go to this thing, like he knew he did, maybe he could at least look good enough to make Patrick wish it was him instead of Pete. 

He gets home and showers, deciding he probably shouldn't get himself off to Patrick on the day of his wedding. He gets ready easily, making sure to look his best. He thinks about Patrick, about how good he's bound to look. He's ready by three fifteen and figures he should leave now, hoping that Spencer will be there by the time he is. 

He stares at the invitation one last time before he walks out. He knows the way to the church, but it doesn't make it any easier going. He doesn't really want to go, but knows how disappointed Patrick would be if he didn't go. So he sighs and goes anyway.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know if y'all want me to continue! comments are appreciated :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here is the wedding!

Patrick looked good. He looked phenomenal. Better than that, really. He was wearing his suit, his jacket not on yet. His hair was already done though, styled the same as it always was but somehow he looked better. Brendon literally had to stop and stare at him. Patrick looked so  _good_ , and it was for someone else. Brendon could only admire from afar. His heart clenched just a bit. 

His was watching Patrick shuffle around, trying to make sure everything was perfect, even though it all clearly was. ~~Except that Patrick was marrying Pete and not Brendon, but that's beside the point.~~ Brendon slightly wondered where Pete was, what he was doing.

Patrick noticed him then, running up to him. "Bren! You're here! AH, I'm getting married and you're here!"

Brendon tried to make his smile sincere. "I'm here. You're getting married and I'm here."

Patrick smiled so wide it must've hurt his cheeks. Brendon couldn't help but smile back. Patrick's happiness was contagious. Anytime he smiled, or laughed, or anything, Brendon felt compelled to mirror his emotions.

"Do I look okay?" Patrick asked. Brendon could tell he was trying to come off as casual, but he saw the flicker or seriousness behind the smile.

"Took my breath away," Brendon says, and bumped his shoulder against Patrick. "You honestly look so good. I don't know if I should be jealous of you since I don't look anywhere near as good, or of Pete since he gets to admire you for the rest of his life." He prayed silently that didn't come out as in love sounding as it probably did.

Just as Patrick was about to say something, someone called his name. Patrick smiled apologetically and kissed Brendon's cheek before running off. Brendon took a few deep breaths, trying to keep his cheeks from burning. Honestly, Patrick did things like that all the time. Nothing new. Why was he blushing? Why did Patrick _still_ have that kind of effect on him?

Spencer walked up then, wearing dark jeans and a button up. He slung his arm around Brendon and leaned in to whisper, "If you keep staring after him like that, someone might catch on how lovesick you are."

Brendon pushed him off playfully. "If you keep whispering in my ear like that, people are gonna catch on to how lovesick _you_ are!"

Spencer smirked. "In your dreams, Bren."

"I wish it were that simple, Spence." And maybe Brendon hates himself a little bit, for always making everything so heartbreaking.

The next half an hour passed, with more people showing up and making small talk. Patrick disappeared, and Brendon and Spencer found their mutual friend Dallon and spent most of the time talking to him. Brendon said hello to Patrick family and congratulated them on their son's wedding, and laughed it off when Patrick's sister said it should've been him instead of Pete. Pretty soon they were being ushered to their seats, and waiting while the family was sat and all of that.

Brendon had to admit that Pete looked nice. He could easily see how he was attractive. He looked very clean with his black suit and slight eyeliner, blonde hair styled just so. Brendon nodded slightly to himself in approval. At least Patrick had good taste. Aside from being all around hot, he was a really decent guy. He had been more than charming to Patrick since the beginning. Brendon really understood why they were together, how well they worked and he knew deep in the back of his mind that this marriage would be lasting, even if he hated to admit that aloud.  

After the rest of everyway was standing at the front, the preacher motioned for everyone to stand, to welcome Patrick as he walked down the aisle. When he walked out, Brendon literally stopped breathing. If it were possible, he looked even better than he had before. He looked so nervous, with his arm locked with his mom's. He was smiling wide, taking deep breaths, focusing on Pete at the end waiting for him. Spencer reached down and grabbed Brendon's hand, and he was surprised when he found himself squeezing it. The reality of what was happening was setting in on him. Patrick was getting married. He was promising to be with someone else for the rest of his life, to love someone else for the rest of his life.

 Patrick's eyes flicked over to Brendon ever so quickly that Brendon wasn't even sure it had really happened. He was almost to the end now, about to be standing next to Pete. Two steps left, one, and there he was. Standing with Pete, holding his hands. Brendon's heart broke.

Patrick's sister made a toast, a long one about how much Patrick meant to her, how happy she was that he was happy, and throwing in some "hurt my brother and you're dead" for good measure. Brendon smiled, wishing it was directed towards him. Pete's brother read a poem he wrote, about finding love in unexpected places and then it was time for the vows.

Pete went first. He sighed before he began, then he smiled as he said, "Patrick, I remember when I first met you at Starbucks. Well, that was the first time we talked but I had seen you there before. I was in line in front of you, and you paid the couple extra dollars I didn't have so I could get a bigger size coffee. You've been doing things like that since we've been  together: always covering me so I can have enough of what I want, even if you have to give up a little bit. I intend to give you everything you want for the rest of our lives, whether it be emotional support, companionship, financial stability or whatever else. I want you to live life to the fullest, and I want to be by your side through it all. I'm so excited to see what the future has in store for us as a couple, as individuals, and as lifelong partners. I've never met anyone as wonderful as you, and I'm pretty sure I'll never find anyone better. Well, let's hope not anyway," he threw in, laughing along with the audience. "But really, you're my heart and soul and everything good in the world, and I vow to be everything good to you I can be, even if I may screw up. I vow to love you through everything, and I vow to always have your back to cover the little bit extra just like you did with that coffee."

Patrick smiled and reached up to wipe a tear from his cheek before he read his vows to Pete. "I'll tell you a secret: I wasn't really going to buy your coffee. I made the comment because I was in a rush, but when you turned around and looked so happy and thankful, I couldn't just say no. Then you started to talk to me, and I forgot all about hanging out with my best friend. Sorry, Bren," he looked over and winked before continuing, "but most of our relationship has been like that. You making me forget things, whether it be good or bad. Mostly you make me forget how bad the world can be, what I have to be stressing about, or whatever offhand comment someone said that hurt my feelings. You make me forget all of those things and just focus on you and how happy you make me. Because when you smile and grab my hand, nothing else matters except you, Pete. You make me laugh harder, smile bigger and just be genuinely happier than anyone else ever has. I look forward to being happy with you the rest of our lives together, and I vow to make you as happy as you make me. I vow to do my best to make you laugh and smile more, and I vow to make you forget everything you have to be worried about. I'll love you forever, Pete, as long as you let me."

There were a few aw's from the crowd before the preacher got everyone's attention again. "If anyone has any objections to the lawful marriage of Patrick and Pete, speak now or forever hold your peace."

No one moved. A million thoughts raced through Brendon's mind as a couple seconds passed, though it felt like hours. He squeezed Spencer's hand before he stood up, catching Patrick's wide eyed and panicked stare, as well as every other pair of eyes on him. He knew he would regret this later, but he would regret it more if he didn't, so he sighed deeply before saying, "I object."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated :) let me know what y'all think, also I take suggestions because I only have a small idea of what I'm doing with this story.


	3. Chapter 3

Brendon hates himself. Pete looks scandalized, and Patrick looks torn. He looks so lost and sad and disbelieving. Brendon hates himself and wants to take it back. He almost does, but when he opens his mouth, all he says is, "I'm sorry. I love you, and I just can't be okay with this." Patrick looks so sad, like he could cry. So Brendon walks out. 

Spencer follows him, because he's his best friend and ultimately he's there for Brendon, even if he is good friends with both grooms. Spencer finds him leaning against the wall, breathing heavily.

"You just did that," Spencer says. "You just told Patrick you love him."

Brendon half laughs, "What better time than his wedding for him to find out?" Spencer just shakes his head. And just like that, the reality of what he's just done hits him. He's told Patrick he loves him, he spoke up and said he wasn't okay with the marriage. He's stopped his best friend's wedding.

Brendon figures this can go two ways. One: Patrick never speaks to him again. He goes on with the wedding like Brendon never did anything, and he drops Brendon. Or two, which Brendon really hopes happens: he could realize he loves Brendon, or at least has feelings for him, and he could give Brendon a real chance at more than friends. 

Brendon tells Spencer this. And just as Brendon is about to respond, Patrick walks through the door.

"Bren, what the fuck?!" He semi-yells, sounding extremely out of breath.

Brendon looks up, and he feels so bad. He didn't mean to do this. He didn't come here planning on ruining the wedding. He didn't mean to hurt Patrick, or Pete for that matter. He just had to tell Patrick. He couldn't let Patrick get married without him knowing. He glances over at Spencer, who just slightly takes a protective step closer to Brendon. 

Patrick notices this. "Chill, Spencer. What do you think I'm gonna do?? Kill him right here?! He's my best friend!"

"Patrick, calm down," Brendon says so quietly that he's not even sure anyone heard him.

"Calm down? Calm down?! You calm down! You just objected to my fucking marriage Brendon!"

Brendon gets that he's angry. It makes perfect sense. But he doesn't like being yelled at nonetheless. So instead of just standing there, he says, "I'm sorry. I'll leave. If you still want to be friends I'm always here. But I'll give you space, enjoy your big day," and he starts to walk away. 

Patrick grabs his arm, effectively stopping him. "Bren, wait," his voice is significantly softer. Spencer steps back a few feet and nods at Brendon. "Did you mean that?" Patrick asks, voice still as soft.

Brendon isn't sure what he specifically means, so he just nods. He doesn't know how Patrick feels about him, about this confession, and it's got Brendon on edge. He's scared of what could happen. He's scared he's just lost his best friend. He's scared he hasn't, and he's scared of what could happen if Patrick returns those feelings. 

"How long?"

"I don't remember. I don't know when I started loving you, I just know that it's been a while. I don't really remember what it was like before I did," and Brendon can't really believe he just told Patrick that.

Patrick kisses him. It's hard and rough and only lasts a couple seconds as most, but when Patrick pulls back, Brendon can still feel the press of his lips. It's not the first time they've kissed, but it feels like it is.

 

_Brendon and Patrick are at his house, watching a scary movie on Brendon's mom's TV.  The movie isn't really scary at all, but Patrick is jumping at all the right parts and holding onto Brendon like he could save him from the murderer in the movie. Brendon is secretly scared too, but he doesn't want Patrick to move, so he puts on a brave face. The murderer is just around the corner now, and Patrick is squeezing his eyes shut and hiding in Brendon's chest, gripping tightly onto his shirt. The scary music is getting faster, so Patrick is peaking to see what happens. When the murderer jumps out, both boys scream along with the teenagers in the movie. When they just barely manage to escape, Brendon laughs at Patrick._

_"Hey, you screamed, too!" Patrick says, and shoves him._

_"Only because you did!" Brendon defends himself, pulling him back._

_"Nope," Patrick scoots away, "Don't want be near you," even though his tone is obviously joking._

_"You_ always _wanna be near me," Brendon tells him and pulls him in closer than before._

_And suddenly their faces are so close to each other. Brendon can feel Patrick's breath, and he looks down at his lips. He'd be lying if he said he'd never thought about kissing Patrick before, so he leans in. It's only a couple seconds, and it's opened mouthed, but Patrick's lips were soft and Brendon wanted to continue. But just as he starts to move his lips, someone screams on the TV and they pull back, both looking confused._

_Patrick just cuddled back up to Brendon, and they don't mention it again that night. They don't mention it that week, or ever again really._

 

Patrick steps back, eyes wide like he can't believe he just kissed Brendon. He backs up against the walls and shakes his head. He drops to the ground, looking confused and broken. Brendon hates that he did this to Patrick.

"What am I supposed to do? I love Pete," he tells Brendon, and Brendon knows this, okay he knows. 

"Yeah, well, I love you," Brendon tells him and he really hopes it didn't come out as snappy as it sounded.

"So what does that mean? What do I do? Am I just supposed to walk in there and tell my fiancé that I'm confused? That you confessing this brought up old high school feelings? Brendon, what do I do?" His voice cracks and he sounds desperate.

Brendon ignores this way his heart is beating faster. Patrick said old high school feelings. That means it hasn't always been one sided.  That means Brendon was right when he swore that Patrick had feelings for him. That means at some point, Patrick wanted more from Brendon. That means he might have a chance. 

Brendon crouches down next to him and puts his hand on Patrick's knees. "Well, you followed me out here. That's gotta mean something, right?" He's not trying to tell Patrick what to do, but if he has a chance he's not going to just let it slip by.

Patrick nods and stands up slowly. Brendon notices that Spencer isn't around anymore, that he wasn't here to hear what Patrick said, to witness everything that just happened. Brendon's heart is beating fast. He has no idea what Patrick will do, but God he hopes he at least postpones the wedding a little bit. He looks at Patrick and wonders if this is even real life. It feels more like a dream.

Patrick stands up, holding Brendon's hand. He rubs his thumb, and then lets go, saying "I have to go talk to Pete."

Brendon stands there, watching Patrick walk through the doors and he hopes he comes back.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay I started college and I am a mess

Patrick didn't talk to him for a week. A whole week Brendon was by himself, alone with his thoughts. An entire week went by with Brendon wondering if he had ruined everything. He wasn't sure he had ever gone this long without talking to Patrick, really. It wasn't the time of Brendon's life, to say in the least.

But exactly one week after the almost wedding, Brendon heard knocking. It was early, only nine in the morning. Brendon figured he could stay asleep and the knocking would stop, but it didn't. It continued, stronger and faster. After a couple minutes, Brendon stood up. He grumbled to the door, opening it with sleep in his eyes.

Pete stood on the other side. Brendon wasn't sure who he had been expecting, but it wasn't Pete. Honestly, Brendon hadn't ever really expected to see Pete again. 

 "I love him, too," is what Pete started off with.

"I, um, I know. Uh, come in," Brendon stepped aside, thankful he had been too busy sulking to mess up the house. Pete followed and sat down tensely on the love seat. 

"But you love him. A lot. Maybe more than me, I think."

Brendon doesn't know how to respond to that so he just stays quiet for a minute. Then, because it's necessary, he says, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your life."

Pete gives a sad smile and shakes his head. "You didn't. I'm glad you spoke up. I would rather this happen now than when Patrick and I have kids and then one day he realizes he's been married to the wrong person all this time."

Brendon stutters. "Uh, I'm not sure I would say it quite like that?"

"I would. But the real reason I came here," Pete tells Brendon, "is to tell you that I'm going to give you and Trick a chance. I told him last night. I just want you to know there's no hard feelings. If he ends up wanting to be with me, I'll be here. But if not, best of luck." And really before Brendon had a chance to say anything, Pete was getting up and leaving. 

Brendon waited a couple hours before he made up his mind. If he was gonna have a chance with Patrick, he wasn't going to blow it. So he went to Walmart to get flowers. He got basic red roses, but he also got some colorful ones because Patrick would probably like those more. So he put them together in a vase and made his way to Patrick's apartment. 

Patrick answered the door in his pajamas, even though it was nearing noon. He was wearing his big blanket wrapped around him, looking down. But as soon as he looked  Brendon tight, for a good solid five minutes. Brendon didn't pull back, just held onto Patrick and was just so happy to be with him again. Eventually though, Patrick pulled back. And when he did, he just barely pressed their lips together in a quick kiss before he pulled Brendon to his couch. Brendon sat down, slightly stunned still from the quick kiss. But hey, if that was how Patrick wanted things now, Brendon was in no place to argue. 

"I wanna try. I think I always felt something, but I guess I just needed you to feel first?" Patrick said, sounding smaller than usual.

"Well hell," Brendon laughed, "if I would've known that I would've told you in high school!"

"I wish you did," Patrick's voice was so quiet Brendon wasn't sure he was supposed to hear it. 

Brendon put his hand of Patrick's, "Me too."

And Brendon remembers when he almost did. More than once. At senior prom, again when they were just starting college, when they decided they didn't really wanna keep doing the whole college thing. There were so many times when Patrick had smiled at Brendon just the right way, that he could've told him. And they could've been the newlyweds by now. 

"I wanna try," Patrick repeats, "but I don't want to rush anything. I just want to see how it goes. I just want to be with you, okay?"

Brendon scoots closer to Patrick and holds his hand softly. "I'll be anything you want me to be."

Patrick lifted his hand and kissed it. "I was counting on that."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls comment lol I know it's short but at least it's something.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the night of their very first official date, and Brendon didn't want to do anything basic with Patrick. He figured they could find a restaurant, or bar, or whatever by rolling a dice. His plan was to drive from the center of town, then turn on the street the dice said to. Like, if they rolled a 3, they would turn on the street. After the tenth dice roll, they would find the nearest place to eat.  Brendon figured it wasn’t the worst idea anyone had ever had.

He got to Patrick’s house at approximately 7:06 to pick him up. He really hoped Patrick had been able to find a dice, because he sure as hell hadn’t. But he also figured if anyone would have a dice, it would be Patrick Stump.

 Since he wasn’t exactly sure where he and Patrick were going, he had just told Patrick to dress casual, but a good kind of casual. Luckily, Patrick knew him well enough that he knew what Brendon had meant. When Patrick opened the door, Brendon’s breath was taken away. It wasn’t like at the wedding, but it was pretty close. He was just wearing dark jeans, a plain black t shirt and a fedora, but he looked fucking stunning.

“Hey, babe,” Patrick greeted him with a hint of blush coating his cheeks. Brendon tried hard not to smile too big: the _babe_ thing was still pretty new and it made his heart flutter like a little girl every single time. His expression must’ve given him away, though, because Patrick smiled a bit wider too.

“Well hello, handsome. Hey, are you a small loan given to Donald Trump by his father?” Brendon raised his eyebrows, stepping in the house. When Patrick only looked confused, Brendon continued, “Because you look like a million dollars.”

Patrick’s face was instantly red. He was smiling big and leaned into Brendon to hide it, while he giggled and said “Bren shut up.” Brendon smiled to himself. Patrick was so damn adorable and he was finally getting a chance to call him his.

“Well, are you ready to go?” Brendon asked, holding his arm stretched out towards his car. He had a full tank of gas and really hoped they didn’t end up hours away. Patrick nodded, still a bit red in the face, but walked towards Brendon's car. Brendon ran ahead of him though, to hold the door open. Patrick shook his head and mumbled something like "you're a loser" but a smile was on his face nonetheless, so Brendon counted it as a win.

It was only when they got in the car that Brendon remembered to ask about the dice. 

"Dammit, yes I had one but I forgot it at home!" Patrick said, looking at Brendon apologetically. "BUT!" he exclaimed excitedly. "I can look dice up online? I'm sure there's something out there that has a way to roll virtual dice."

Brendon nodded, and Patrick pulled out his phone. They were about to be at the center of town, so Brendon figured he should tell Patrick what they were doing. "Okay, so," he said as he put his car in park. "You need to find two dice. We don't really know where we're going. But the dice will tell us. If the first dice lands on an even number, we will turn right. If it's off, we turn left. The second dice will tell us which turn to take. Like if the numbers you roll are 2, and 4, then we will turn on the fourth right. Understand?" Patrick nodded, so Brendon continued, "We will do this ten times, and then find the closest restaurant or bar or whatever. Okay?" Patrick gave a firm nod. "So, go ahead. Roll the dice, handsome."

Patrick blushed, but did as Brendon asked. "Okay, four. So right, then three. So the third right," Patrick instructed, and Brendon put his car in drive and started going. 

They continued this, and pretty soon they were out of the town. As they drove, they made small talk. "You been doing good?" Patrick asked. Brendon nodded and smiled, so Patrick asked, "Are you nervous?"

Brendon laughed, "I've hung out with you thousands of times, Patrick."

"Yeah," he said, "but this is a  _daaaate_ ," he singsonged. 

"I mean, yeah. I want it to go well. I really hope we don't end up some creepy place and get killed. I also just want you to have a good time. Wouldn't want you to hate our first date," Brendon said, shrugging. 

"I'm with you," Patrick shrugged right back, "I'll have fun, and besides, if we do get killed. Dying in the place of someone you love seems like a good way to go," Patrick grinned.

Brendon shoved him, "Did you just quote Twilight? You fuckin' loser!"

Patrick just smiled. Brendon turned his attention back to the road, turning when Patrick said, "First left." They were on their sixth roll, so Brendon hoped they would be somewhere soon. They'd been driving for about thirty minutes now. Luckily, they weren't in the middle of nowhere, at least not yet. After another few rolls, they were on the last one. Brendon held his breath as Patrick hit the roll button on his phone.

"Are you ready... Okay, here we go.. The sixth left!" Patrick exclaimed, clearly as excited about this as Brendon was. Brendon really didn't know where they would end up. Right now, they were in the next town over, just on the outskirts.

They counted the roads on the left as they passed them. "One," they said in unison, "Two... Three... Four... Five... Six!" Patrick looked around excited. They had somehow ended up farther from the town, on some country-type road.

After a few minutes, they saw a building on the side of the road. It didn't look like anything big, just made of brown wood and had a sign. When they got closer, they saw the name, "A Taste of Heaven." It looked like just a basic little restaurant, so they figured they had found their place. Brendon parked his car next to a few others, the parking lot wasn't too big but it looked full. Patrick got out of the car before Brendon had the chance to run around and get the door open for him. Patrick grabbed his hand and held onto it as they walked in the diner.

"Hey, guys," the hostess greeted when they walked in. She was just wearing a t shirt and jeans, so Brendon knew it wasn't too fancy of a place. "Would you like to sit near the stage or in the back?"

"What's going on at the stage?" Patrick asked, raising his eyebrows and cocking his head a little bit.

"Oh! It's karaoke night!" the hostess declared proudly.

Brendon smiled at the same time Patrick shook his head. "Bren, no," Patrick told him, giving him a firm look.

Brendon looked back to the hostess and smiled. "We'll sit by the stage, that's fine." He looked to Patrick and added, "You don't have to sing, but we can watch everyone else. C'mon, it'll be fun." Patrick sighed deeply but Brendon could see the smile sparking in his eyes.

They sat down at their table, looking at the menus. It just seemed to be a regular American place. Nothing too exotic and nothing they hadn't heard of before. Their server came up, introducing himself as Daniel. He had a big smile on his face and couldn't be too much older than either of them. They order their drinks, and discussed idly over what they wanted to order. In the end, Pete got a hamburger and Patrick got a crispy chicken salad.

One couple was finishing, and the karaoke host was asking who wanted to sing the next song. Before anyone else had the chance, Brendon jumped up. "We want to!" he waved at the guy.

"Bren, noooo!" Patrick whined.

"C'mon babe, it'll be fun!" Brendon grabbed his hand and pulled him up. Patrick sunk his shoulders but didn't put up too much of a fight.

"Fine," Patrick agreed, "But I get to pick the song."

Brendon brought their hands up to his mouth and kissed Patrick's fingers. "That's fine, whatever you want."

Patrick and Brendon stood on the side of the stage, looking through the different song choices. When Brendon saw it, he knew that's the song that Patrick would choose. Of course, he did, and as they stepped on the stage, the opening notes of "Magic Dance" by David Bowie started playing.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii i tried to make this cute, let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry my life is a mess

Before Brendon knew it, it was getting late and time for them to be in their way. Honestly, Brendon couldn't remember the last time he laughed and smiled that much. Patrick had taken a minute to really get into the song, but once he did, they were having the time of their lives. The audience loved how their voices sounded together, and if he was being honest, Brendon did too (but of course he always had). They did a couple more songs just for the hell of it, laughing more through each one. If he wasn't mistaken, Brendon could swear that the way Patrick was looking at him could only be described as love. He wasn't going to let himself dwell on that too much, though. 

Brendon rushed over to the passenger side of his car, holding the door open for Patrick who just smiled softly. Brendon could tell he was getting tired, but only very slightly. 

"Thanks for this, Bren. It was a lot of fun," Patrick told him, sitting down inside the car. Brendon smiled at him just before he walked around to the driver side. 

"Thanks for coming with me. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully it wasn't too much of a nightmare that you wouldn't want to do it again?" Brendon tried to laugh, but he suspected that Patrick could hear the slight sound of worry hidden behind it. 

"I'd be honored to go on a second date with you," Patrick said, placing his hand on Brendon's thigh and giving a slight squeeze. 

It wasn't until they were almost home that Brendon finally worked up the courage to ask. He'd said it approximately three thousand times in his head and approximately zero times aloud. According to navigation, they were three minutes from home when Brendon finally said it. 

"Hey, uhm, do you wanna, I dunno, just stay at my place tonight? It's late and I don't know, you don't have to. I just figured we had a good night and you could if you wa---"

"Yes, please," Patrick answered simply, effectively cutting him off.

"Okay," Brendon said, pretty sure his voice was speeding up a bit, "Uh, we don't have to do anything, you know. I could sleep on the couch even, whatever makes you comfortable."

Patrick laughed and Brendon wondered how the hell he was so calm through this. "It's okay, we can both just sleep in your bed. We'll see what happens, okay, it's okay," Patrick said, and by the end of his sentence it sounded more like he was talking to himself than to Brendon.

Honestly, it would be fine as long as they were both normal. Brendon had spent plenty of night sleeping in Patrick's bed and vice versa. Of course, it'd been close to a year since that had happened last due to the fact that Patrick had been staying with Pete. But really, they'd been having sleepovers since high school. This was not a big deal. Brendon had always been in love with Patrick, right, this wasn't anything out of the ordinary as far as spending nights together.  _Except that you just went on a date with him, you dipshit, and he definitely returns those feelings at least somewhat. Everything is different, it's all new!_ And suddenly that was all Brendon could think. They had just been on a date and would be staying the night with each other, most likely in the same bed, maybe cuddling or maybe not even close to each other. It them came to his mind just how many pros and cons there were of him having a queen sized bed. 

And then he was pulling into his driveway and getting out of the car, a suddenly more sleepy Patrick in tow. Patrick wrapped his arms around Brendon's torso while he unlocked the door and it honestly took everything Brendon had to keep his breathing level. Somehow he managed to get the door unlocked and lead Patrick to his room. It wasn't like Patrick had never been there, hell, he'd lived here for a few months. Brendon tried to remember this as he watched Patrick immediately climb onto his bed and curl up against his pillows.

Brendon figured only Patrick could pull off looking so adorable and so fucking hot at the same time. He shook his head, but apparently it wasn't as subtle as he had wanted, because Patrick noticed.

"What are you shaking your head about?" he asked, teasing tone in his voice.

Brendon flopped down on the bed next to him, wondering if he was too close. "Just you, thinking how good you look and how you look even better because you're in my bed." And then, "Oh, my God, I did not mean to say that out loud."

Patrick just threw his head back, but even his laugh sounded sleepy. Brendon smiled to himself: Patrick had always been the one to fall asleep in car rides. "I'm not sorry you did," Patrick said, bringing him back to the reality of the confession he had just made. He wanted to hide away, but figures the next best thing is shoving his face in a pillow, so that's what he does.

 

 

When Brendon wakes up, Patrick is asleep on his chest. He doesn't really remember falling asleep but figures it had to have been after Patrick did. He also doesn't remember taking his clothes off, but by the clothes on the floor and only the boxers he's wearing, he figures he took those off someone during the night.

Patrick, though, is wearing the same t shirt and pair of boxers he went to sleep in. He's so peaceful, Brendon thinks. He looks so calm and at ease. Brendon really needs to pee but he also really doesn't want to wake Patrick up.

He waits a few minutes, but it's gets to be too much. He kisses Patrick's forehead, against his better judgement, and tries to gently get out of bed so Patrick doesn't notice. It's to no avail, because as he's standing up, Patrick reaches out to the now empty bed.

"Babe?" Patrick mumbles.

Brendon's heart stops. Because Patrick is asleep, he's unconscious, and yet he still reached for Brendon and called him babe. Honestly, it's the best feeling Brendon thinks he's ever had, to date.

Brendon reaches down and kisses his cheek. "I just gotta pee, I'll be right back."

When he returns a few minutes later, bladder relieved, Patrick reaches for him. When he's back under the covers, Patrick wraps his body around Brendon's. Brendon isn't sure if he hears him right when Patrick mumbles, "love you, missed you."

And it's not the first time, but it's the first time it's felt this real, but Brendon thinks Patrick feels like home.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so I really think I'm going to finish this, then repost it all as one chapter. idk tho.

Then it's been a month that he's been dating Patrick and honestly, it just kept getting better. Everything with Patrick was so easy, like he always knew it would be. It's really cool to be able to look at Patrick and know that he was his. It was really cool to get to wake up with Patrick most mornings, to get to kiss him, to hold him whenever he wanted. It was less cool, though, that Patrick hadn't mentioned Pete not once. Not that he wanted to constantly hear about Pete or anything, but he did want to address the elephant in the room. His only problem was he didn't quite know how to go about doing that. So instead of asking, he just ignored it. Or tried his best to. He was mostly just scared to ask Patrick, and Patrick to say he wanted to go back to Pete. So he didn't ask, he didn't bring it up, he just suffered to himself. Which probably wasn't the healthiest way for Brendon to deal with that mentally, but hey, Brendon didn't really care.

He thinks about it a lot, though. He wonders how Pete is doing, mostly. He knows if it were him he would be completely crushed and heartbroken. Brendon sometimes wished he would have never said anything, that he would've just been the supportive best friend his mom raised him to be. He could've gotten over Patrick, he could've moved on. In all truth and honesty, though, Brendon doesn't know when or how he would be able to move on. He's spent almost a decade loving this kid, to just be like "oh well, it's done now."

_The first time Brendon knows he has feelings for Patrick is when he's sixteen years old. He'll be seventeen in just a few weeks, and the junior-senior prom is only a couple weeks after that. Then Patrick will graduate and Brendon will be left alone to finish his last year of high school without his best friend. He really doesn't know how he's going to manage. But that's stress for another day. Right now, his stress is prom coming up._

_He really doesn't want to go, who wants to go their junior year anyway? Isn't the reason prom is a big deal is because you go your senior year? He was just sitting down next to Patrick at lunch when he decided to share his thoughts on the matter._

_"I dunno," Patrick tells him,  "I'm not going and I'm a senior."_

_And for some reason, that really didn't sit right with Brendon. "Why not?"_

_Patrick shrugged, "I don't know. Who would go with me? Who would I even hang out with?"_

_Brendon had an idea._

_The next day at school, Brendon waited for Patrick outside of his first class. In his hand he held a single sunflower and a sign that simply read "PROM?" He stood on the side of the hall, waiting for the bell. As soon as it rang, students rushed out of the classroom. Brendon knew Patrick usually waiting for everyone to leave before he did, so Brendon knew the perfect moment to step into the middle of the hallway. Patrick was looking down when he walked out, but when he looked up, he saw Brendon._

_At first, he didn't realize the sign was for him. He looked around before raising his eyebrows at Brendon. "Who are you waiting for?"_

_Brendon broke out into a huge grin. "You, Patrick! Will you do me the honor of going with me to your senior prom?"_

_"Oh, my God, Bren! What are you doing??"  He looked around and noticed the people that had begun to watch. "Are you fucking kidding?"_

_"Nope," Brendon told him, popping the 'p'. "I want to take you to prom. Go with me? Please?" He smiled at Patrick and took a step closer to him._

_"Oh, my God, I can't believe you're doing this, oh, my God, okay. Yeah, sure, just put the sign away please?"_

_Brendon wanted to kiss him. For the first time, the thought crossed his mind._ Oh my gosh, Patrick looks so cute, I wanna kiss him.  _It took him by surprise, except that it almost didn't. It almost felt expected._

_Patrick took the sign and the sunflower. At the point, people had turned their attention away, focusing on their own lives. "Why did you just do that?"_

_Brendon shrugged, still smiling. Honestly, he couldn't think of a better person to go to prom with than Patrick. "I don't know, I don't want you to miss your senior prom. And I figure if you go with me, at least you'll enjoy it."_

_And they did enjoy it. Patrick ended up wearing a blue-gray tux and a solid black tie, while Brendon wore a solid black tux with the same shade tie as Patrick's tux. They looked really good, if Brendon was being honest. Patrick looked wonderful, and Brendon found himself smiling at Patrick like a lovesick puppy ever time Patrick wasn't paying attention. The night started with Patrick being shy, but as he got more comfortable, he seemed to start feeling better. All was going wonderful and smooth until the DJ announced that they next song would be for a slow dance._

_Patrick looked at Brendon with his eyebrows raised, silently asking if it was something he wanted to do. Brendon shrugged, leaving it up to Patrick. Secretly, he was dreaming about holding Patrick close and swaying together on the dance floor. It would be so perfect, being so close to him and being allowed to be. Just as he was imaging how it would be to kiss him, Patrick grabbed his hand, pulling him back into reality._

_"Okay, we're already here, might at well," Patrick told him, grabbing his hand and walking towards the dance floor. Brendon thanked whatever god there was that Patrick was in front of him so that he couldn't see the gigantic grin covering his entire face._

In present time, Patrick was in the kitchen making grilled cheese sandwiches for them for lunch. Brendon could hear him humming a song to himself, and Brendon sorta wished he would just sing. Patrick hated to sing, but Brendon didn't know why, since Patrick had the best voice Brendon had ever heard. Brendon had just been sitting on the couch, but decided he missed Patrick so he stood up to go in the kitchen.

Just as he was wrapping his arms around Patrick and kissing his neck, his phone started ringing. He ignored it until it stopped, but when it started again, he decided to look and see who it was. The name on his phone caused his stomach to drop. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so halfsweet and i were talking and she gave me some ideas for this story, so i'm going to try to start writing and updating more! please comment and let me know what you wanna see more of, and any suggestions you have!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol remember when I said I was gonna try to update more and that was months ago.ha so I'm gonna try my best to actually finish this bc ive never actually finished a story before that was chaptered. lol

Ryan Ross was a name he hadn't even thought of in months, so it was a bit of an understatement to say that seeing the name on his phone screen was a surprise. He glanced at Patrick, who had looked over to see who was calling. His face was expressionless, but Brendon could tell he was trying to keep a frown from showing. 

"Didn't know you still talk to him," Patrick commented. 

"I don't," Brendon said, but he was cut off by another ring. "Can I answer?" 

Brendon already had the phone in his hands when Patrick nodded. "Hello?"

"Guess what," were the first words Ryan said, instead of a greeting. 

Suddenly, everything came rushing back. Brendon had met Ryan a couple years ago, while he was out at some bar trying to forget about Patrick. It was one of the days when Patrick had just gotten home from a date with Pete, and it felt like that's all he ever cared about anymore. Pete this, Pete that, wow Pete is just so great! Honestly, Brendon had been getting sick of hearing about Pete all the damn time. He got it-- Pete was the best thing to happen to Patrick. But did that mean Brendon wanted to hear about it all the time? Definitely not. He had listened to Patrick talk all about how wonderful their afternoon had been, and when it had been almost an hour later of nonstop Pete talk, Brendon knew he couldn't take it anymore. He did what he knew was most logical: he went out to get shitfaced.

He wasn't completely wasted when he saw the guy across the room, but he was getting there. The guy had come up after they stared at each other for about thirty minutes and introduced himself as Ryan Ross. When Ryan had started flirting with Brendon, he had never expected to go home with him. He also never expected to make going home with him a regular occurrence, let alone to actually start dating Ryan.

Their relationship had lasted almost a year before Ryan moved. He offered Brendon to go with him, and while Brendon had almost loved him, his actual love for Patrick was stronger; too strong to let him move states away. Ryan knew Brendon wouldn't ever really go with him, but he asked anyway. Their relationship had ended, leaving Brendon with an emptiness that almost made him think he really had been in love with Ryan. That had been almost nine months ago that he left to go with his new job, and it had been approximately four months since Brendon had given him a thought.

"What?" Brendon said, coming back to reality. He didn't really know what Ryan could be calling to tell him, and if he was being honest, it made him a bit nervous.

"I'm in town," and dammit that shouldn't have made Brendon as slightly hopeful as it did, "and I want to see you."

Brendon didn't say anything-- what does one say when an ex calls and wants to see you? Instead he looked at Patrick, who just had his eyebrows raised at him.  He knew Patrick couldn't hear what Ryan had said, but somehow he felt guilty anyway. Brendon was here, with Patrick, just like he always wanted. And yet, one possibility from Ryan fucking Ross made his heart flutter ever so slightly.

“What is he saying?” Patrick questioned, and Brendon could hear the annoyance in his voice, despite the fact that he was obviously trying to hide it.

Before he could answer, Ryan was already speaking again: "Is that Patrick? You still hang around with him?"

Brendon really didn’t know what to say. ‘Yeah, I crashed his wedding and now we’re kinda dating?’ No, definitely not. So instead, he went with a more natural response. “Of course, would you have expected anything different?”

“Oh, of course not! You always did love him _so_ much!” Brendon could hear the pettiness in Ryan’s voice. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I still want to see you. Can we meet for coffee?”

“Um,” Brendon said, looking at Patrick for answers, when Patrick didn’t even know the question. “Can I get back you on that?”

If Brendon had been face to face with Ryan, he was sure he would’ve seen Ryan roll his eyes. “Sure, but I’m only here for a few days. I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you.” With that he hung up, leaving Brendon standing in the kitchen with Patrick, feeling a bit lost.

“He’s in town,” Brendon started. “He said he wants to see me.”

“Do you want to see him?” and Brendon hated the way Patrick’s voice sounded so accusing.

Brendon didn’t know. On some level, of course he wanted to see Ryan. On another one, he didn’t know if that would be the best idea, seeing how things were going with Patrick. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to see Ryan, but he knew he definitely didn’t want to if Patrick wasn’t okay with it. So, he told Patrick just that.

 

Patrick took a deep breath and said, “So, what if you go see Ryan tomorrow. As long as you trust yourself, I trust you. And then… what if I go see Pete? I feel like it’s only fair that I clue him in on what’s going on, where my heart is…”

Brendon nodded, knowing that he did trust himself with Ryan. Patrick and Pete, though, was an entirely different issue.

“So, where _is_ your heart?” Brendon asked, hating how scared his voice sounded. What if Patrick was telling him that he decided Pete was what he wanted after all? Where would that leave him?

Patrick looked at him, and his eyes were sad. Brendon braced himself for the worst.

“I think. I think that you have it, and I think maybe you always have. I don’t think I could really just go back to Pete now, after being with you. I love Pete, don’t get me wrong. Pete was nothing but good to me, but I don’t think I could have a life with him now, at least not an honest one. Not a real life with him, when I’m wishing it was you the whole time”

Brendon’s heart felt warm, nice, whole. Complete. Like his world had just aligned perfectly. All he could do was smile and nod, and lean into kiss Patrick, softly and trying to show all his love.

“Thank you. You’ve always had my heart, and I’m thankful I can have yours now too.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello so I decided I AM going to finish this. Maybe two more chapters, then an epilogue.

After talking to Ryan, they had decided on meeting at a coffee shop downtown. Brendon didn't know if he was supposed to dress nice or just casual or if it even mattered. After all, Ryan had seen him after he had just woken up, when he looked a mess, and Ryan had still continued sleeping with him anyway. All in all, Brendon didn't think it was too important to impress Ryan  _too_ much. 

 He got to the coffee shop first. He ordered his coffee then debated whether to order one for Ryan. He decided against it in the end: what if it came off as a date thing? What if Ryan had changed his order? He didn't know what to expect, not at all. He was nervous to see Ryan. 

It was then that the coffee shop doors opened, allowing for Ryan Ross to enter. He looked as good as he always did; tall and skinny. He had a ridiculous scarf wrapped around his neck and Brendon just knew it smelled just like him. Ryan looked around for a second before seeing Brendon. His smile was small but warm, and it reminded Brendon of something that could've been. 

Brendon stood up as Ryan walked closer. Maybe to hug him, he wasn't entirely sure. But when Ryan was close enough, he reached his arms out before Brendon even had a chance. 

There was something about being close to Ryan again. He was taller than Brendon, skinny but sturdy, and had somehow always made Brendon feel safe, even when it was just the hook ups. Being close to him, breathing in his scent after all this time, it felt familiar and calming in a way that Brendon couldn't really explain. 

It was easy to remember why Ryan had been good for helping him try to get over Patrick. Had things been just a bit different, he and Ryan couldn've gone far and been good together. But he knows it wouldn't have been fair to lead Ryan on, to try to love him when his heart was with Patrick. A part of him reminds himself that if he and Ryan had gone further, he wouldn't be with Patrick now. It was that alone that made Brendon not regret staying behind when Ryan left. 

They moved to sit down, Ryan asking to usual small talk questions. How's work, how's the family, what have you been up to. It was only about ten minutes in when Ryan asked about Patrick. 

Brendon didn't really know what to say. He didn't want to tell Ryan that he had ruined Patrick's marriage, but he did feel like he should tell Ryan about their relationship, just so Ryan wouldn't get the wrong idea. In the end, he decided to say, “Well, we’re finally giving us a try.”

Ryan raised his brows. “Really?” His voice sounded disbelieving, making Brendon want to slap him. “What happened to his boyfriend?”

Brendon sighed, remembering that he had never given Ryan the specifics of Patrick and Pete’s relationship. Brendon didn’t think he ever told Ryan Pete’s name. “It’s a long story. But not one that I really want to share right now. What about you? How’s your love life? Any new boys?”

 "Actually, I just met someone..."

 

 

The rest of Brendon's time with Ryan went fine, lasting about an hour. They talked about how their lives were, Ryan told Brendon about the guy he had just met, and Brendon didn't bring up his relationship with Patrick again.

He got home before Patrick. While Brendon met up with Ryan, Patrick was supposed to go talk to Pete. Brendon knew what Patrick was going to tell him, but it still made him nervous. What if when Patrick saw Pete, he remembered why they were so in love? What if he forgets all about Brendon? What if he was only convincing himself that he wanted Brendon because he wasn't around Pete? He tried to reason with himself that this was just his insecurities talking, but part of him was still scared Patrick would come home and tell Brendon he had changed his mind. 

 Patrick didn't keep Brendon waiting for too long, getting home about twenty minutes after Brendon did. Brendon didn't know what to say, so instead he just smiled wearily at him. Patrick either didn't notice or didn't care, sitting next to Brendon on the couch, snuggling close to him.

Instantly he felt more at ease, reaching his arm out to wrap about Patrick. "How did it go?"

Patrick sighed. "It was okay. Good to see him. I'll tell you about that in a minute though, first I wanna hear all about Ryan Ross."

It was Pete's turn to sigh. "It was fine. We just caught up. He told me he just met someone. Asked about you. I just told him we were giving us a try," Brendon couldn't help the way his voice got quieter upon saying that. Clearing his throat, he continued, "Mostly it just felt like seeing an ex. Catching up, remembering how close you were and how obvious it is that things have changed now."

Patrick hummed. "I always wondered why you didn't go with him when he left. I know you said you didn't feel it was what was best, but I always wondered why. He seemed to make you happy."

Brendon looked at Patrick, wondering how it wasn't obvious by now. "I couldn't leave you behind," he told him.

"I know, but I still would've been here, Bren."

"Yeah, but," Brendon told him, leaning his head down to rest on Patrick's, "I couldn't go with him and pretend to love him. Not when I loved you."

Patrick nodded, turning his head to kiss Brendon's cheek softly. With how comfortable they were with the relationship, it was hard to believe they hadn't always been a couple. "That's kinda what I told Pete today," Patrick started, "It wouldn't be fair for me to go back to him now."

"How did he take that?"

"He understood. Said if I ever changed his mind to let him know. But he doesn't think that will happen. Neither do I, really. Basically we just said we would always love each other as people, but it's okay that it wasn't meant to work. I still want him in my life, though, Bren, if that's okay with you."

"As long as you trust yourself, I trust you," Brendon told him, quoting what he had said yesterday. 

And suddenly, it felt a bit like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, to be cliche about it. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all this is the end.... i tried to make this super long so to it would be a good ending. sorta an epilogue, sorta just a final chapter. anyways, it's been almost a year since i read halfsweet's story and got majorly invested in brentrick. and i just sat down and wrote this first chapter. so, i'll have more at the end but. thanks guys.

Brendon walked through the door, smiling at Patrick asleep on the coach with their newest dog, Winston. Patrick had chosen the dog and the name, to which Brendon couldn't argue, especially when he saw the way Patrick's eyes lit up when he saw the dog the first time. Winston wasn't a bad dog by any means, a border collie/lab mix, but he definitely favored Patrick over Brendon. Not that Brendon blamed him, really. He preferred Patrick over the dogs, too, if he was being honest.

Winston raised his ears, but when he saw Brendon, he went back to snuggling up against Patrick. Brendon took off his jacket and walked over to Patrick, pulling the blanket tighter around him and kissing his cheek. His heart clenched at the way Patrick smiled in his sleep and subconsciously leaned into him. Brendon's mind flashed back to their first night together after their first date and waking up next to Patrick. He couldn't believe that had been over two years ago now.

Upon entering the kitchen to find something for himself to eat, he saw a saran wrapped plate with a note that simply read "made with love, for my love" in Patrick's messy handwriting. His rolled his eyes to himself, but he was overcome with fondness for his boyfriend. He couldn't believe Patrick was real, let alone had continued to stay with him for so long. He had told Spencer that recently, who just told him that he was stupid and "of course he has, you idiot, he was friends with you this long, wasn't he?"

While his food was in the microwave heating up, he noticed something stuck to the fridge. Pulling it off, he raised his eyebrows as he read: "Please join Ryan Ross and Pete Wentz in coming together for life." There was a picture of Pete and Ryan standing together, looking less emo than they had years ago. Brendon nodded to himself. He had very sporadically kept in contact with Ryan over the last couple years, but Patrick had been much better at keeping in contact with Pete. Because of this, he knew Pete and Ryan had started seeing each other. Turns out, the person Ryan had met that he mentioned those years ago at the coffee shop had been Pete. Brendon knew they had been seeing each other for a while, but finding out they were getting married was news to him. He was happy for them, though. He wondered how Patrick felt about it.

At that moment, the microwave went off. Brendon flinched slightly and peeked around the corner to make sure Patrick was still asleep. He was. Brendon knew it wasn't late, only around ten, but Patrick had a habit of going to sleep early. Brendon sat at their dining table and scrolled through his phone as he ate. All in all, it really only took about ten minutes for him to finish eating, and then the exhaustion of the day hit him. He finished putting his dishes away and tip toed to the living room to wake his sleeping boyfriend. Patrick was still curled against the arm of the sofa, and reached for Brendon blindly as he stood up to walk with him to their bedroom. Patrick immediately snuggled into the the pillows, making whining sounds until Brendon crawled into bed next to him. He thought briefly about asking Patrick his opinion on the wedding, but when Patrick kissed his chest despite still being mostly asleep, Brendon knew it could wait until tomorrow.

 

 

The wedding was a few months later, on a Saturday in October. Brendon idly wondered if it was hard for them to not make the wedding Halloween themed, knowing Pete and Ryan. Patrick wanted to go, was excited even. Everything was fine, but when it came time for the grooms to say their vows, Brendon couldn't help but remember when that had been Patrick standing across from Pete.

When he looked over at Patrick, he knew that's what he was remembering, too. Patrick was smiling, but Brendon just barely noticed the slight nostalgic look his eyes held. It made Brendon feel just a bit sad, but he was thankful he stopped their wedding. If not, he never would be sitting here with Patrick. He reached over and squeezed Patrick's hand.

Patrick just smiled at him.

They said their vows fairly quickly, everyone moving into the reception area. It was done very well and Brendon thought about how exciting it would be when he and Patrick could finally plan a wedding. He just knew one of them had to propose first. But more importantly than imagining their future, there was an open bar. Brendon took Patrick'a hand and led them to the line.

"What are you thinking, love?" Brendon asked, wrapping his arm around Patrick's shoulder and kissing his temple.

Patrick shrugged. "I don't know. I don't regret what happened, I'm so thankful that you did what you did, but I can't help but feel some sense of betrayal that Pete is actually married. And it isn't to me."

Brendon nodded. He had expected as much. It was one of the reasons he didn't know if it would even be a good idea to come at all, but Patrick had insisted. And Brendon wasn't about to start telling Patrick no now.

Sometimes Brendon still thought about what could have happened if he had kept his mouth shut. He wondered how it would have gone when Ryan reached out to him. He wondered if he and Patrick would've stayed close, or if Pete would've finally talked Patrick into moving away. Who knows what could've happened if Brendon just kept his feelings to himself. He wouldn't ever know, but that didn't stop him from letting his mind wander sometimes.

Pete and Ryan came up to them, thanking them for coming. Pete touched Patrick's arm and let it linger for just a fraction of a second too long. Brendon felt a surge of jealously and he looked to Ryan to see what he felt. Ryan was looking away, though, and seemed to miss the entire interaction. When Brendon's eyes flew back to Pete and Patrick, he saw something in the way they looked at each other. He would have killed to know what they were thinking. It was just one of those things they would always share-- the fact that they had almost been the married couple.

 

 

Patrick was the one to do it, much to Brendon's annoyance. He had literally found the perfect ring for Patrick that day and then Patrick has to go and be the one to propose. He even had it planned out, the fucker. He gave Brendon some long speech about how he knew his whole life that it would be Brendon, even when it wasn't obvious to him why yet. He ended it by telling Brendon, "But I don't want your last name. I don't want our kids to have it either, we can just be the Stumps. If that's okay."

Brendon had laughed, telling Patrick of course it was okay. He didn't really care if Patrick took his name or if he took Patrick's, and his mind was still hung up on "our kids." He laughed and definitely cried a little and kissed Patrick and gave him a blowjob right there in the living room on the spot. Patrick seemed taken aback by that, but he certainly didn't try to stop Brendon. When he was close and Brendon crawled up to kiss him, Patrick told him, "Was hoping something like that would happen," while sounding very out of breath. This just caused Brendon to thank whatever being there was that Patrick was his and now he finally would be officially.

The wedding planning was lots of fun, much to Brendon's surprise. Patrick confided that he really didn't want a big extravagant ordeal, and Brendon was surprised when he realized he didn't either. They could've gone to a judge and Brendon would've been happy. Upon telling Patrick this, though, Patrick told him no, there would definitely be a wedding, just a small one. Brendon agreed easily.

They decided on a September date, for whatever reason. Honestly, because it was the only month on their calendar that didn’t have a Big Day. September it was.  The days got closer to the wedding, with Brendon and Patrick finalizing all the small details.

And then it was the day. The big day. Their big day. The one Brendon had literally been waiting his entire life for.  Brendon was nervous as hell, of course he was, but mostly he was just excited. Excited to see Patrick walking down the aisle, towards him this time. To marry _him_ this time. He was excited to go home that night and pull Patrick in close, to call him his husband. He was excited to spend the next week in Greece with Patrick. He was excited for the kids Patrick mentioned here and there. He was excited for his life with Patrick, for Patrick to be the center of his life.

Brendon stood there, at the end of the aisle, as Patrick was finally, finally, _finally_ walking towards him. He looked so handsome. He looked so good, better than Brendon had ever seen him.  What was probably the most attractive about Patrick was the way he glowed, and how he visibly relaxed when he made eye contact with his fiancé. Brendon smiled at him and Patrick nodded ever so slightly. Suddenly, none of the world was there anymore. It was only Brendon and Patrick, the way it was always meant to be.

Their vows were simple, but Brendon felt they were special. “Today, tomorrow and for all the rest of my days, / I promise to stand beside you / To dance with you in times of joy / To lift you up in times of sadness / To rejoice with you in times of health / To comfort you in times of illness / I promise to turn to you for solace, for encouragement, and for inspiration / I promise to be faithful and true to you / I promise to shower you with love and affection / Every joyous and beautiful day, for the rest of our lives.”

The reception was filled with laughter and kisses and sneaking off to make out. It was filled with Brendon dancing more because of the alcohol, and Patrick singing in front of everyone for the same reason. It was filled with love and warmth and everything Brendon would describe as feeling like you’re where you need to be.

 

 

Brendon woke up and rolled over, realizing Janet had snuck into their bed again last night. Patrick seemed to have already gotten up, deciding it was best to leave Janet in bed with her dad. Brendon shook his head and ran his fingers through his daughter’s hair.

“Daddy, stoooop,” Janet whined.

“Nuh uh, baby. You know you were supposed to be in your big girl bed last night. You’re getting too big to sleep with us every night. You’re three now.”

She stuck out her bottom lip, clearly a trick she learned from her older sister. Brendon cursed himself for letting Brianna get away with that when she was younger. “Not gonna work, J. You’re the third kid, I know all the tricks now.”

Janet laughed but when remembering she was supposed to be upset, she frowned again. “Daddy, that’s not fair.”

Patrick walked in the door then. “You know what they say about life, sweetheart.”

Brendon smiled at the same time Janet sighed, and in unison they said “That it’s not fair.”

Patrick sat down next to Brendon on the bed.  Brendon wrapped his arm around Patrick as he kissed their youngest. “Exactly.”

Grayson walked in the door then, followed by Brianna, who was already almost eight. Brendon shook his head: when had his kids gotten so big? Grayson flopped on the bed next to Janet and Brianna did the same.

“So, Dad,” Brianna started. “What if we go to IHOP?”

Patrick raised his eyebrows at the three children on his bed. “You buying?”

Grayson laughed, still finding everything delightful since he was only six. “No, Papa, you are!”

Patrick just shook his head and leaned in to kiss Brendon, causing all three of them to say _ewww_ at the same time. Brendon smiled to himself, like he did most days, knowing he wouldn’t trade his family or life for anything.

 

 

Then forty years later, when Brendon and Patrick were too old to still be so in love with each other, Brendon woke up earlier than Patrick. The grandkids were coming over for the weekend, and he knew they would be a handful. So to make it a little easier on his wonderful husband, he decided to surprise him.

When Patrick woke up to a vase full of red roses and pancakes waiting for him, Brendon knew the best thing he ever did was stand up at that wedding all those years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it guys. that's all. thank you to halfsweet who inspired this, thank you to everyone who ever listened to me throw ideas around, and thank you to everyone who read this. i found the wedding vows online, btw. leave me a comment to tell me what you think! this it a first for me-- i've never finished anything. ever. in my life. (only a couple one shots that were only 1000 words, and once one that was 4300 or so for school. never anything else.)  
> thank you guys. so much. i wouldnt have finished this if not for the readers. feel free to follow me on tumblr, awayy-babe. and keep an eye out for my next story, which will feature brentrick again!


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